::red*headed step*child::
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Failed Romantic" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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10:11 pm
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I'm allergic to life.
I'm definitely allergic to something in the air right now. Also, my tummy just will not calm down; it could be the consequence of drinking much sparkling water over the last several days, but it's unlikely. I'm generally bummed out and low energy. Yawning constantly.
What the hell is it?
I've been extremely disinclined to write for the last several days, hence, a lot of silence here. Plenty going on; plenty swirling around in my brain. But mostly, it's just fatigue and something similar to apathy, but isn't quite it. I'm still into what I'm into. I'd just rather be asleep than to engage in any of it.
Could just be repressed fear and anxiety. ComicCon is going to be a pretty big huge massive fuckin' deal, and I just hope - and kinda trust - that I'm up for it. Maybe I'm resting in preparation, but I'd also like to be exercising in preparation; I'll have a lot of walking and running around to do, and it's best not to just leave that up to adrenaline. Actual muscle tone helps a lot, too. The funny thing is, I don't feel worried about it. I'm pleased to be going; excited even. I'd really just rather be asleep right now, thanks, and that's true pretty much 16 hours a day (the other 8, I'm actually asleep).
Tomorrow brings 12:34:56 on 07/08/09 - keep an eye on the clocks!
I'd really really really like it if the neighborhood folks would stop setting off fireworks now, please.
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: silence
Tags: fatigue, state of the union
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05:04 pm
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R.I.P. Michael Jackson
Well, OK. I'm a bit numb really. I'd compare it to how I felt when Elvis died, but I had pretty much never given a shit about Elvis at that time, and only developed an appreciation for his music/acting/scandal/weirdness much later, whereas Michael Jackson has been a presence all my life, and I went through a couple of rounds of liking him and despising him. I've been over Thriller for more than 20 years; it's a fine example of how even good music can become unpleasant to me through overplay.
I still really love Off the Wall, though, and will defend its awesomeness with tooth and claw.
Also I'm glad that I saw MJ perform live twice - once in 1980, and once in 1985, I believe - both times with the rest of the Jacksons. And they were two of the best shows I've ever seen, to this very day. The 1980 one was practically religious; they had a huge video screen and they showed the video for "Can You Feel It?" before the band hit the stage. I'd almost never seen a video before - in fact, I'm not sure I HAD ever seen a video before (I'm pretty sure that my first real one, "Once in a Lifetime" by the Talking Heads, was viewed on the pre-Teletunes video show "FM-TV" on Channel 12 in 1981) and it blew my fucking mind. I cried and shit. It was rad. And then they all came out wearing so many sequins and it was all so dazzling and I really just thought I'd explode.
Michael's such a weird phenom, though. I have vacillated wildly on my outlook toward him over the years. Right now, though, I'm shocked and sad, and really concerned about his children, and wondering what will become of them. Please, let them not end up like Peaches Geldof. Please, Lord, no, anything but that.
So yeah everybody's gonna be digging up their favorite Jackson hits and memories and I kind of look forward to that - as well as the horrifically nasty gallows humor that's already in full force. Naked hatred, though, I'm not so into; nor slavish devotion and praise. Tears are coming out now as I experience shared emotions, but I'm not going to lose it over this one (though the one-two punch of Michael and Farrah Fawcett on the same day - and I love me some Farrah, even more so after seeing her awesome cameo in So NoTORIous when she comes over to Tori's apartment hoping to borrow a potato, and Tori mistakenly thinks that Farrah is asking for pot and is all scandalized - is quite a bit to take). I'll honor the best parts of Michael by listening to my favorite tunes, and keep in mind, as I can't help but do, the amount of torture and suffering and loneliness that went into that sparkly booty music.
Apparently there's going to be a memorial Michael Jackson karaoke bike ride this evening - and man, I wish I could participate in that! That sounds awesome! If you're in Portland and you see a mob of freaks on bikes, singing and crying, those are my people.
Current Location: on the job
Current Mood: undefined
Current Music: office ambience
Tags: celebrity obsession, damn shame, music, r.i.p., sad
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07:55 pm
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pulling out my hair
Sure sign of anxiety. Yessiree.
So I've slacked on posting for seven days. Way to go me! It's been a bit frantic though - being reassigned at work, a bachelorette party that I only visited for the beginning bits, mass chores at home, a bridal shower in Happy Valley, mass grocery shopping, severe self-esteem crash (Why in the WORLD does my room have an entire wall that's mirrored?!), a touch of cat-sitting, library trips, prepping for Saturday's wedding event, Bryan Fuller destroying my joy and sanity, and... most anxiety-inducing and yet wonderful of all... I've decided that I DO want to go to San Diego Comic-Con.
Yikes. For serious. I almost never even go to Seattle; I haven't been on a plane since 2002 or something like that. It's a bunch of money, even with a rather cheap plane fare - I do have to eat and drink while I'm there - and that doesn't make me feel good. In fact, it makes me feel violently physically ill. Also, I have no idea where (or if) I'll sleep, and ALSO I have no idea what's going on with any potential panels I might want to see. Oh God, Oh God, I must be crazy. On the other hand, it really does need to be done, and I'd better do it this year, as it might end up being the last Heroes panel ever... if there even is going to be one.
Yeah so... I have a lot to sort out. Most important, though, I need to make sure that I book a flight before the end of the week, or that cheap fare might suddenly become not cheap at all. Ick. Argh. I feel like I have to puke. There's a reason why I hide, folks. Everyone thinks I'm outgoing and all that, but it's all an act to mask my literally crippling anxiety. On that note, will I get hassled if I bring my walking stick with me on the plane? Should I get a Medic-Alert bracelet or a doctor's note that states that I might need the fucker?
Still, if I can get into an industry party, and be within touching distance of Zachary Quinto, as one of my co-workers was last year, it'll all be worth it.
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: freaking out
Current Music: evening silence
Tags: angst, dolla dolla bill, heroes, slack, status report, the future
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06:59 pm
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posting slacker
Yeah, so much for my resolution. I've been quite busy - although a lot of that busy was taken up with watching the first season of Nip/Tuck, which was devoured in a few days. (There's only 12 episodes; it's not that bad.) AWESOME show (and apparently still being made, and the fifth [sixth?...] season starts later this year). It's chock fulla talent - Dylan Walsh, though he plays the "nice" guy, is given a lot of depth and darkness; Joely Richardson is excellent and I came to be really fond of her character in an arms'-length kind of way; Jessalyn Gilsig has a long-term recurring role as basically the Miami sex-addict version of Meredith Gordon (I had a lot of fun imagining her saying the same lines of dialogue to Nathan Petrelli, and they would have absolutely worked); Roma Maffia does a great job as the prickly lesbian anethesiologist Liz; and of course, everyone loves Julian McMahon as Christian Troy, the fluffiest and yet most intriguingly messed-up antihero since... well, since Nathan Petrelli. It's a hideously dark show with the very blackest humor, and eight tons of timely issues that come up every week - drug smuggling, blackmail, the self-image and sexuality of aging women, infidelity galore, gender reassignment and the predjudices encountered thereby; and of course, the non-stop nightmare of self-esteem that goes hand-in-hand with plastic surgery. Anyone who thinks this show glorifies plastic surgery probably thinks that TRAINSPOTTING glorifies heroin usage. After watching this, I would never, ever have plastic surgery unless my life depended on it. The surgical scenes are extremely gruesome and horrible, and things go wrong all the time. In fact, I don't think I ever want to have surgery again unless my life depends on it. Yuck. YUCK!
So I had a good birthday and a good birthday party and it all went well. I drank a lot, all day, but didn't black out, or barf, or even have an appreciable hangover the next day. Rad!
I'm re-reading Fiend just because I want to experience it again (and it's less heavy to carry around than Fortress of Solitude, which I'm going to read with absorption some weekend day in the near future. Which one, I don't know). It's great, and so tangly and dense that I can hardly believe that I wrote it myself, and yet I'm the only person who could ever get how much I stuck into it. So many song references and movie references and references to early 19th Century European politics and literature. Whee!
I feel quite good physically, mentally, and emotionally. A lot of my closest friends are going through some tough shit right now, so I'm trying to be supportive and useful. I hope the karmic balance is good because I'm going to be going through some very tough shit starting next week (at my job; I won't talk about it here because that's the wrong thing to do; not bad, but extremely disruptive, and my job will never be the same again) and I hope to God that someone holds my hand, or at least is nice to me if I start freaking out.
And the weather is perfect. Low 70s, partly cloudy, dry. I am spoiled. I want it to stay this way forever (or at least, for a very long time. I'm enjoying the sleep).
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: good
Current Music: evening quiet
Tags: book review, nip/tuck, parties, reading, status report, tv, yay
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04:45 pm
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now, normality resumes temporarily
I survived Reed Reunions 09 and all I got was this lousy nametag! (And a mild hangover, and a lot of hugs, and a couple of meals, and some beer, and whiskey, and some awful movie memories.) And then yesterday, despite stabbity cramps, I not only went for lunch at the Hedge House with Nelson and Celeste, but I also went over to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) witwhitherwilt's house to watch the Tony Awards. I'm a socializing monster!
The monster is now slain, though, so there. And ow. I feel rotten (and not hangovery; it's the LadyTime™, which has now gotten to the point where my whole body feels like it's been beaten, especially my abdomen and lower back, but also the arms and legs and head. Ibuprofen and calcium/magnesium help a little, but I need exercise and sleep.)
Perhaps ill-advisedly, I started on a new TV series yesterday afternoon that I've been wanting to watch for a long time - Nip/Tuck. Two episodes in and I'm incredibly intrigued and hooked (and, of course, in love with Julian McMahon), though I'm dismayed at how much I dislike Joely Richardson's character... I really love her as an actress and find her quite attractive, with those Redgrave bones... but man, she defines "shrill", "brittle", and "watery-eyed". Then again, at first, I wasn't too taken with Julie Benz on Dexter, and now I think she's a goddess. But yeah, I love shows that have both fairly explicit and regular sex scenes featuring an incredibly hot guy AND genuinely cringe-inducing surgical special effects (and others). It's disgusting, it's erotic, it's funny, it's twisted and dark... yeah, it's totally for me.
So this summer I'm going to try to finish watching Buffy, start watching Angel, and get as much Nip/Tuck under my belt as possible... and if I can possibly swing it, it's time for me to watch Rome. It just really is. But I might have to put it off for another season or two; it's not TV fatigue, it's the fact that I increasingly pay attention to the shows I watch in a way that's incompatible with getting any writing done. And this summer had better have some writing in it.
Tonight totally will. I will restrict myself to a single Nip/Tuck episode and spend the rest of the time working on the fanfic (utilizing the solution to my writers' block which occurred to me last night on Myrlin's front porch). I'm still trying to re-learn how to write, but it's happening.
A happy 47th birthday to Nick Rhodes. You look maaaahhhhvelous.
Current Location: on the job
Current Mood: achy
Tags: geekery, status report, tv, where the hell were you last night, writing
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02:11 pm
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skipped another day.
I was really busy. (My usual excuse.) Thursday night's alum dinner was really marvelous - so great to see many old friends (and barely acquaintences) again. And then big work on Friday, and leaving work a few minutes before 5 to meet Celeste at a pub and start it all over again.
Bad Video Board last night was rather off the chain. Lots of folks showed up for CALAMARI WRESTLER (which is fantastic btw) and several stayed around to take the punishment of SHAOLIN DOLEMITE. Bushmills was consumed. Friends were hugged. Screams of protest were stifled and supressed. Went home drunk and happy and slept for a good long time.
Now, today... some fic writing, watching Pushing Daisies (You can too - check it here; all episodes, and I do mean ALL, including the ones that haven't aired in the US yet!), and then, later, back to Reed for more cinematic oddities.
And yet wow I just want a nap. It's the weather! It's perfect for sleep!
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: drowsy
Current Music: hard-sell DVD from Hades :(
Tags: link, movies, pushing daisies, tv, where the hell were you last night
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10:47 am
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slacker
Oops. Again, not so much with the daily posting yesterday. Instead I hung out with Miss Cecilia, and we went to the Space Room and got drunxored and goofy. It was really great. No regrets. Then when I got home I wrote a sentence or two in the Little Fic That Could. A sentence a day? At this rate, I'll be done with this probably-6000-word story in September.
No, really, that can't be true. I won't always be busy like this. The next four days/evenings are pretty jammed though - tonight's Reed Reunions informal BBQ, then home to watch the episode of Pushing Daisies that I'm going to miss on Saturday [thank you, internets]; tomorrow work, and then the first night of Return of Bad Video Board down on campus (and more dinnering); Saturday talking to my older brother on the phone (I am really not looking forward to that, but hopefully I can keep it brief; I don't want to talk about the situation on here, but it's kind of shitty), if I can keep that tight trying to get to Cinema 21 to see ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL with special guest PJ Soles!!!!, then round two of Bad Video Board and more drinking and chaos... and then Sunday, maybe, peace. And watching some shows of some kind. I need to watch Dennō Coil, which I downloaded maybe two weeks ago, to see if it inspires me to get closer to FirstWorld so that the idea of revising it doesn't seem so daunting.
But this weekend, and the next three weekends after that, are all full of stuff. (Damn these birthdays and weddings!) I've got to get back into the swing of writing on weeknights. I have to. It's imperative. I have to figure out how to be less tired in the evenings (unfortunately the solution is more exercise, and that means getting up early so I can do it in the morning, which means that I should try to adhere to a 9pm bedtime. Which leaves me approximately 45-60 minutes of free time at night to write [or do chores or pet the cat or watch telly or tend the garden]. Ew. Sometimes I hate all this life stuff.)
Current Location: on the job
Current Mood: good
Current Music: rain on the skylight
Tags: fandom, geekery, reed, tv, where the hell were you last night, writing
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09:11 pm
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not a lot left
It was a solid day's work. I am tired as hell. As soon as I finish this episode of Buffy that I put on to watch while I had my dinner, I'm going to bed.
Unfortunately the story I'm writing isn't getting actually put down, but I am going over it in my mind a lot. Unlike in the past, the story isn't just springing into my mind fully formed; I have to actually think about it. I think I'm getting there. Man, why's it so hard to write angsty smut all of a sudden? I haven't had this problem before. I must REALLY be tired.
Also I am putting the pieces into place to revise FirstWorld. Like with everything, I'm just going very, very slowly.
Everything but my job job. I pretty much rocked today. I almost made it through without saying anything inappropriate ... not quite, but only a few quizzical looks today. And I didn't flip out on anybody, though, and I am sad to confess this, I had to do a little singing under my breath. It calms me. I feel bad; I know it must be annoying. I should develop a different nervous/angry habit that is more silent; just because I have an office doesn't mean that everything that goes on in there isn't fairly clearly audible to the people around me. Alternately, I can try what one of my neighbors has done, and get a white-noise generator. Surely some broke-ass Sharper Image noise machine can be obtained.
Very sad, and yet inspired, reading about George Tiller. That man was a hero.
Current Mood: lump
Current Music: trains, far away
Tags: i am awesome, status report, work, writing
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07:54 pm
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weird weather.
Indeed it is as forecast: it started out warm and clear, then some clouds rolled in and it rained a little - but it's still quite warm. It's cooling off a bit now as the very faint trace of moisture evaporates, but this is pretty rare. In general, if it's gonna rain here, it cools off before and after.
Today was all right. I did a lot of work at work. (As annoying as it is to have to paw through drawer after file cabinet drawer of magazine issues, it still makes me stupidly happy to have dozens of issues of Creepy and Eerie entrusted to me, like a box of pretty jewels with really crazy stuff inside.) I made another delicious wrap for supper (those Ezekiel sprouted-grain tortillas are the shiznit). I planted my tomato plants. I'm watching "Déjà Q" on SCIFI (next up: "A Matter of Perspective", some Riker-centric episode that I don't recall too well by title or channel-listing synopsis. The episode opens on Picard in an art class painting a naked lady, though, so I have NO idea why I don't remember this episode. That's one of the reasons I love Next Generation - there are enough episodes that most of them are really fresh to me, having seen them at most twice. (I still hope to watch DS9 this summer, as I totally failed to do so last year. Maybe the Milwakie library has it; Multnomah sure doesn't.)
Also on the menu tonight: a bit of writing. No pressure. But I just want to get to the point where it swings, and then it'll take care of itself.
ETA: oopsie on a double-post; I think I know what happened.
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Star Trek the Next Generation theme song - woosh!
Tags: gardening, geekery, hope, inclement weather, star trek, status report, tv, writing
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01:28 pm
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yeah, I just dunno.
I think I just have PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder). Unfortunately, one of the treatments for it is the medication that I'm on.
Maybe I just need a higher dose. Am I willing to experiment with my meds this summer? It can be catastrophic - financially, socially, physically - if it goes wrong. On the other hand, at least I don't have a really important writing deadline looming in front of me.
I dunno. I'm freaking out and Googling too many disorders with too many fabulous acronyms. Too much sun; too much to do and not enough resources to do them; too many screwups; feeling generally run down and sad and at the point of tears all the time. Does this sound like the week before your period to anyone else? Because it's pretty classic to me. :)
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: down
Current Music: chirping birds outside
Tags: bummer, lady parts, status report
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09:04 am
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the hotness and the brightness
Oof. Not so much with the posting yesterday; I was too busy, nearly from the time that I got up to the time I went to bed. Brunch, errands, laundry, a dinner party - that's a day. It was very productive. I thrifted well.
Pushing Daisies began its end run, showing the last four episodes in the "we hate you" timeslot of 10pm Saturdays. It wasn't one of the best episodes - the dialogue was rather cramped, and the situation resolved in an extremely arbitrary fashion - but even the weaker episodes of that show are some amazing television. I am very bitter about having to miss/delay next week, as I will be hosting the Saturday segment of the Return of Bad Video Board at Reed Reunions '09, as next week looks like the Black 70's Superstar episode - starring Diahann Carroll, Richard Roundtree, and Gina Torres - and probably someone I forgot. GRRRR.
I got pretty close to overheating yesterday. It was too hot for jeans, but I didn't really know that until I'd already left the house. I have to be careful about stuff like that; that's what tripped up my mom.
I've finally been having dreams about work, after being there almost three years. The first dream was really quite adventuresome and fun, but now it's all turned into the average mundane "You said something wrong, and now you're going to be fired" anxiety dream. Oh great. Just what I need right now. I love how right around the time that I start seriously considering going off my psych meds, I have a nervous breakdown. I really do want to stop taking them, though. It's been a long, long time, and I think they may have done all the good they're gonna do - what I need now is old-fashioned therapy. Or something like that.
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Robyn Hitchcock: The Speed of Things
Tags: dream, hot weather sucks, pushing daisies, thrift score, tv, where the hell were you last night
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11:01 pm
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too tired to write
A bit too intoxicated, but mostly just tired. It's late; it was a long day. Went with violetnuit to the C Bar, had hummus wraps and Cape Cods. Lovely evening. Then back home for a bit of "Autotune the News" and Yacht Rock, and that's all I'm good for.
Soon she'll be married. I've known her since she was 12. It's weird and wonderful.
Current Mood: wiped out
Current Music: 10 steps from bed
Tags: status report, where the hell were you last night
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05:14 pm
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oh yeah, I'm a winner
Eh, today's all right. Nothing particularly bad. Bought comics-related goodies. Wasn't late to work. Looking forward to getting back to my show tonight.
I think I'm well.
Current Location: on the job
Current Mood: okay
Tags: status report
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07:56 pm
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"It's a Tuesday night..."
"...and I can't be with the people that I love tonight - they left me all alone and I can't forgive them; I guess I'll be on my own."
The start of "Simple", one of my favorite songs by the Beta Band... it often comes on the Shuffle on Tuesdays, when I am very frequently alone. The lyric only ever gets to me for a moment usually, and I think of my loved ones and feel really good about them. Once or twice that lyric was 100% dead on. And even then it didn't bother me too much because that song is just so fucking awesome that I can't be unhappy when I'm listening to it. I love music.
My iPod right now is stuffed full of favorites - early XTC singles, Duran Duran B-sides, Duran Duran album tracks from my favorite albums, the High Llamas, 30.06's Hag Seed which gets me into air-drumming trouble when I'm riding the bus, My Bloody Valentine's Isn't Anything, Robyn Hitchcock, Tipsy's second album... God, what else. A lot of random stringers; a few Blur tracks, a random Scritti Politti or so.
The Scott Walker blitz has to wait until I have, y'know, more than one of his albums. Even so, I have my doubts that it'll make good iPod commute music; in fact, most of what I have on there now is not suitable for listening to while I'm also trying to read a book. A perfect band for that - and also equally marvelous when I have no other distractions - is the Beta Band. Yes, this is all so very old-school. It's slightly embarrassing, but it's not just simple nostalgia. There aren't very many consuming memories associated with these albums, mostly because I listened to them all half to death in many different settings. 30.06 comes close, though; I remembered today on the bus seeing them play live somewhere, Satyricon or something, and screaming myself hoarse singing along. Beautiful times. I don't really miss it, or I should say, I miss it like I miss my very first orgasms. The ones I have now are better.
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Heroes episode 3.18
Tags: music, what's on my ipod?
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10:44 am
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oh scott
I am in love with Scott Walker.
Nothing more complicated than that. Even though his most recent album is so profoundly (and deliberately) upsetting that I've only been able to listen to it twice, the fact that he did it astonishes me - and I really just have to get all of his previous material, though his second-to-last album is probably going to give me problems as well. But every record he's made is exponentially darker and more fucked up than the last... for his next one he will probably just climb into a black glass box, slit his own wrists, and bleed out slowly, while singing an improvised narrative of the experience, in front of a live audience. I wish I was exaggerating; that really honestly does seem like something he'd do. I sure hope he DOESN'T, but still.
Anyway, he's dreamy. If you'd like to see for yourself, I highly recommend the documentary 30TH CENTURY MAN, which I just saw yesterday (and which grew my respect for the guy into full on squeeing fangirl want-to-have-his-baby love). And/or just buy one of his records, if you can find them. But not The Drift. Well, heck, maybe, I don't know; if you're ready for listening to something that makes you feel like your small intestine is being slowly extracted through a hole in your neck (but BEAUTIFUL), please be my guest. Otherwise I'd recommend the more-approachable-but-still-miserable-and-weird Scott 3 or Climate of Hunter, from the days when he still created song-like forms instead of severe psychological environments.
Man, I am way behind on updating my film journal. *sigh*
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: good
Current Music: industrial trucks outside
Tags: music, recommended media, squee
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11:04 am
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naughty
Uh oh, I think I didn't post yesterday. Bad, bad Jemiah! I forgot. I was distracted by the Heroes rewatch, making brocco-slaw, talking to my mom on the phone, poking around social networking sites... Eh, whatever. I did get a little writing done. A very little. Nothing to write home about. I had brunch with Benke at the Delta... chicken fried steak and greens. YUM. We both needed it. My pal keyboy dropped by for a visit, and we geeked out about Galactica and he brought me a snack, which has comprised my breakfast this morning. Very good to see him. Nice to retrogradedly spend time with two of my favorite mens.
The weather is amazing. Low 70s, cloudless skies, very light wind, flowers blooming everywhere. It's what everybody's been waiting for. They seem happy. I've been indoors. It's time for me to get out a bit and at least get some damn exercise; but I am going to go see 30TH CENTURY MAN, a documentary about Scott Walker, this afternoon, and then afterwards I will let events play out as they will. I still very much want to get the entire Heroes season watched this weekend; I have about 36 more hours to get it done. Wish me luck! (And yes, I am enjoying the hell out of it. It's good. That's all I'll say, for fear of exposing myself to the wrath of the haters, who are all coming out of the woodwork at me right now. If it makes me an idiot, then I'm an idiot - but I love this show AND I sincerely think it's very-good-to-excellent, consistently.)
Whatever. Don't talk shit about the show to me; eliminate the middle man and just come to my house and beat me up. I am a Heroes fan, 100%. Now - back to the show. "Our Father." Arthur and Tracy are discussing their nefarious plans; Nathan has just walked into the room with his lips pursed in a worried way. Why would he have doubts? What is he worried about? Does he not believe in his (crazy, crackheaded) plan? Maybe because it's crazy and crackheaded and why won't he ever just listen to Peter? Sheeeeesh. :)
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: improving
Current Music: Alpha: Still
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07:21 pm
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angry
I'm just really angry right now. About lots of little dumb things, and huge monolithic things. I should go for a long walk, but I need to eat first. That makes me angry.
Grrrrrr.
I don't feel like writing anything at the moment. Too angry.
Current Mood: GRRRR
Tags: grrr!!
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08:51 pm
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evening post
My mom is out of the ICU, though she still has to stay in the hospital overnight. She sounds completely fine, but then again, it's hard to tell. It seems like things are relatively solid for now. I'm still badly shaken, but I'm starting to mellow out a bit at last.
A bit of Buffy and then bed; I really want to watch Heroes in a big uninterrupted bunch or two, so I will dedicate my weekend to such pursuits. I feel, ironically, sicker than I did yesterday - probably the consequence of heavy nervous smoking - so if I dedicate this weekend to chilling and geeking, maybe I can actually just get well finally.
I'm very tired.
Tags: status report, tv, yay
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05:36 pm
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amazing how fast things change
The short version: My mom is in the ICU. I have strep. I am trying to chill out and relax before I make myself sick. Or sicker. Or whatever.
( the long version )
Now... Zithromax taken, a glass of water ingested, suffering a seriously massive headache, trying to relax. To say "I don't know what to do" is a vast, yawning gulf of understatement. Any advice is welcome, especially the "how to deal when you've got a disabled parent in a different city, no money, and unfortunately no separate family ties to use as an excuse" type of advice.
Current Location: on the couch
Current Mood: freaked
Current Music: birds chirping
Tags: bullshit, comment fishing, health, ill, in hell, status report
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04:11 pm
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good then!
I just had a "happy" thought - that MRI that I had in early March or whenever was seemingly useless (i.e. no followup care or anything of the kind), but it has the advantage of NOW my current physicians have imagery that proves that I am indeed a proud bearer of multiple sclerosis!
...yeah, this is about the level of "good news" that I'm at right now. :)
Tags: :/, ms sucks
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